


Pineapples

by shenkasaur



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Confused aliens, M/M, Pineapples, Spiky fruit, Where's my dinner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3965224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shenkasaur/pseuds/shenkasaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a hard day's work, all the crew of the Normandy want is a decent bite to eat - but it seems that the only thing on the menu tonight is pineapple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pineapples

**Author's Note:**

> A random story that I thought up at 10pm while reading an Ian Banks novel (don't ask). It's supposed to be humourous - pity laughs are appreciated! This is my first attempt at writing some fan-fic so feedback (positive and negative) is very welcome!

Kaidan yawned loudly as he walked through the CIC. He'd fallen asleep in the co-pilot's chair in the cockpit again, only to be awoken by the loud growling of his stomach as a reminder that he hadn't eaten anything since the last mission, which was over 10 hours ago. He walked down the stairs to the crew deck and sauntered over to the fridge in hope that there was still some food left from dinner. 

After his eyes had adjusted to the sudden brightness of the fridge, he gaped at it in confusion. 

"Why are there only pineapples in here?" 

"Oh, is that what they are?"

Kaidan jumped and twirled around to see a very confused quarian standing a little bit away from his position.

"I came up here earlier to find something to eat after I worked through dinner, but all I could find were these spikey, yellow things. I wasn't sure if you could eat them- or if they were dextro-friendly, so I went back down to engineering."

Kaidan stared at the quarian for a few seconds, until his eyes were drawn to the sound of someone else entering the room.

"Joker!" Kaidan announced as the crippled pilot hobbled towards the pair. "Do you know why the food's been replaced with pineapples?"

Joker's eyes flicked between Kaidan and Tali as he sat down on one of the chairs in the mess. "Nope," he said calmly and clearly, "I have absolutely no idea."

Kaidan glared as the other man attempted to stifle a laugh with a cough.

"Right, Joker," Kaidan said, using a commanding tone, "Tell me where the food is before I throw your crippled-ass across this room."

He glowed blue for emphasis.

Joker threw his hands up in the air in a mock surrender. "Look dude, I swear I don't know were your food is! All I know is that the last person in here was Shepard, so why don't you march your little biotic behind in there and ask him?"

He waved his hand in the general direction of Shepard's cabin.

Kaidan sighed and turned back to the pineapple-filled fridge. Just then, Garrus entered the room and dandered over to take a seat opposite Joker.

"Ladies. Tali." He nodded at each individual in greeting.

Kaidan rolled his eyes at the turian as Tali moved to take a seat next to him.

"Garrus, do you know what happened to the food?" Kaidan asked, as he closed the refrigerator door and moved to stand at the head of the table.

Garrus shrugged, "I didn't know there was something wrong with the food."

Kaidan sighed, again, and walked over to the kitchen area to retrieve a pineapple and returned to set in on the table in front of the turian.

"By the Spirits, what is that?"

"A pineapple." All three other members of the party replied in unison.

"What is it?"

"Fruit." Kaidan and Joker replied.

At the same time, Tali said, "A weapon?"

Unbeknown to everyone else in the room, Shepard had entered and shouted across the room, "DELICIOUS!" 

Kaidan turned around to stare at the man. Shepard was holding a bowl in one hand, filled to the brim with the yellow fruit, and a fork in the other. The lieutenant covered his face with one hand and mumbled a strain of profanity into it.

"What's wrong LT? You don't like pineapple?"

Kaidan looked up at the other man, who was wearing a huge grin on his face. A slight squeezing sensation in his stomach reminded Kaidan that he was still hungry. 

In a spare-of-the-moment thought, Kaidan walked up to the commander, bit the piece of pineapple off the fork and mumbled into Shepard's ear, 

"Love it." 

Kaidan then snatched the bowl of pineapple and the fork out of the commander's hands and walked briskly away, towards the CIC, leaving behind a laughing commander, pilot and two extremely confused aliens who still don't know what a pineapple is.


End file.
